Is the Machine using us?

The "Machine" of the Internet is clearly using us. Each day millions and millions of people upload videos to Youtube, update statuses on Facebook, tweet, email, and post. Even now while I write on this blog, I am a part of this "Machine"-a larger, interactive whole that will take my information and opinions and spit them at everybody else who inhabits the Web. This is not a bad thing, but rather a simple evolution of technology and the role of people within this technology.

Trimble on Diction

Of all the topics discussed in John Trimble's chapter on Diction, I can associate most with the topic of "freshness". Keeping a piece refreshing and relevant is a critical aspect of any part of writing. An extensive vocabulary can dramatically assist an author's style and tone, and is often more important than the actual content of an article or essay. In my case especially, I have discovered that my style is best when brisk, and I succeed when I hit points creatively and with original phrasing. Keeping a piece "fresh" is without a doubt a crucial segment of any good writer's arsenal.

Active voice is generally stronger than passive voice because it introduces the subject first and the reader keeps paying attention to the story. I will use passive tense if I believe it lends a different aspect to the style of thought, but usually I try to keep a quick pace and maintain a reader's attention.

Under Armour Commercial Analysis

This commercial can be found here.

A lot of sports equipment commercials attempt to emanate an aura of toughness, a marine-like, stone-faced seriousness that usually is unintentionally comedic. This Under Armour commercial is no exception to the rule.  Even while muscular football players strut around proclaiming "click-clack!" and behemoths of the gridiron heave training sleds all over the place, it is difficult for a person to place him or herself in these "Under Armour shoes" so to speak. Most people are not 250 pounds of sheer muscle, able to bench press twice their weight, and capable of running a 4.5 second forty-yard dash. If a spindly 120-lb 14-year-old is watching this commercial, he should be aware that in spite of the tough guy overtones, wearing Under Armour gear will not suddenly make him NFL eligible.

The lesson here is a rather simple one-try to make understated commercials. Nike has accomplished this with cooler, quieter, black and white affairs that are certainly more subtle than the chest thumping howls of Under Armour. In spite of the pumping testosterone that prevails throughout the commercial, it needs less muscle and perhaps a bit more brains.

Heineken Commercial Analysis

This commercial can be found here. The following paragraphs are to be taken very lightly.

Dear Heineken Marketing Division,

I was shocked and astonished to find that in a recent commercial presented by your esteemed company, you display a young woman and man celebrating with their friends about two things: a walk-in closet filled with clothes and shoes for the women, and a walk-in refrigerator for the men. The women shriek in excitement over the accessories, and the men exult similarly over the beer. My qualms with the commercial are not with the mildly sexist nature of it or the promotion of alcohol, but rather with the poor investment of a walk-in refrigerator.

In my humble experience, when a person comes across a large windfall of money he or she usually spends it on more suitable purchases, such as preposterously unnecessary cars and vastly oversized houses. The presence of a refrigerator loaded chock-full with beer is a terrible example of how to splurge. How will our children ever learn from your advertisement? Instead of displaying an inefficient beer fridge commercials, I suggest more realistic ideas, such as a car or perhaps an exorbitant watch. In any case, while your commercial certainly enumerated on the moderately attractive bits of wealth, I would like to see more gross excess in the future. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Sean T. Williams

AT&T Commercial Analysis

This commercial can be found here.

Many people gripe that in this day and age technology is advancing too rapidly. iPhone generation after iPhone generation chug out of the assembly line, remorselessly pushing civilization forward. Computers accelerate towards even more complexity. With apps, online connections, and GPS, it is evident that phones have joined into the interconnected Web world.

This rather creative commercial was no exception to this trend, but it does have a novel approach. Hansel and Gretel are characters in an old fairy tale, yet here they are merrily trundling through a bustling city. The conflict emerges when the crumbs Hansel and Gretel have been dropping mysteriously vanish, but Gretel, unfazed, whips out her brand new AT&T phone with a GPS connection (apparently Gretel has learned from experience) and the duo skips happily off into the distance.

AT&T is savvily attacking the mother's protective instinct here, as well as displaying how nifty their phones are. Many moms dread the thought of having their child lost in a vast city. While Hansel and Gretel are merely characters from a fable, their button-cute faces can easily be transmitted onto any child, and it would be no stretch of the mother's imagination to envision her own progeny in a similarly sticky situation. This callous marketing tactic has been used in one form or another for fifty years, and the idea has not changed. Only the technology has.

AT&T Questions

1.What city are they in?
2.Where are their parents?
3.How are they in a city in such ludicrous clothing?
4. Why are the clothes so simple but the technology so complex?
5. How did they obtain this phone?
6. How old/responsible are these kids?
7. How did they get to the city?
8. Why are they in the city?
9.Why does no one try to help them out?
10.How do we know it is Hansel and Gretel?

Heineken Questions

1. New money or old money?
2. Why such an extravagant purchase?
3. What country are they in?
4. What language are they speaking?
5. Is this commercial sexist?
6. Why is the sequence the girls and then the guys?
7. Does this commercial achieve the goal of Heineken?
8. How would the girls react to Heineken?
9. Is it a party?
10. Are the visitors friends or acquaintances?
11. How would the guys react to the clothes?
12. Why are these reactions so over the top?

What is My Writing Process like?

My writing process is simple. I think of a good idea or question and I write about it. I have learned from experience that sitting in front of Microsoft Word and thinking really hard is ineffective and stressful. Basketball, wiffle ball, and running have all been useful in transforming my kinesthetic activities into mental ones. It is much easier to address a problem when the mind is not focused directly on it trying to pound out an answer, but rather when it is subtly sneaking around the fringes of idea fermentation.

Pantene Commercial Observation

This commercial can be found here.

The emergence of a butterfly from a chrysalis has symbolized newness, emergence and rebirth for thousands of years. This archetypal icon has since been played out by a Pantene commercial to a nearly ludicrous extent. A young deaf girl slowly transforms before the viewer's eyes from bumbling incompetent on the violin to maestro while Pachelbel's canon resounds triumphantly in the background.  At the moment of climax a butterfly pops out of a chrysalis and the commercial ends with "Pantene...you can shine." The fact that a butterfly represents the Pantene logo renders the entire commercial less of a heartwarming piece and more of a sly attempt at base commercialism.

Such heartwarming nonsense is the stuff of a society and globe that revolves around the fragile facade of outward appearance. Forget that the girl is deaf, forget that she strives for greater things-these are distractions. The true focal point of the commercial is simple: The girl has beautiful hair because she uses Pantene, and look how far she's gotten. Pantene explicitly bears down on the feeble, the meek, and  the unsure members of the female gender and screams at them "look what you can do! You can be like her. But...only if you have gorgeous hair." Apparently it takes more than hard work and self-esteem to become a beautiful butterfly, it also takes a little shampoo.

Focus Freewrite

John Trimble asserts that writers are like warriors, people who defend their claims and attempt to fortify their arguments. It would seem to me that Mr. Trimble, being a writer, has a rather fanciful view of his profession. Maybe some authors do see themselves as strapping defenders of all that is good, but I sure don't. Wouldn't the expression "the pen is mightier than the sword" be a foolish aphorism if writers are suddenly warriors? I believe that all writers write to make a point or statement, some with more vehemence than others, but a military comparison is too far-fetched for my taste. Mr. Trimble can keep his sword and his "warrior" mentality. I'll stick with the pen, thank you.

12 Minute Freewrite

So here I am at Hofstra and I am blogging. Writing online makes me feel scrutinized, as if I were a gladiator in some Roman arena, waiting for the thumbs-up to spare me or the thumbs-down to ruin all that I had worked for. This scrutiny is not necessarily a bad thing, many people work well when placed in a fishbowl. What I do not like about this blog post is the absolute lack of editing available to me during a freewrite. I'm a journalist at heart and all this fancy "write what comes to mind" stuff is difficult to wrap my brain around. Pieces should be structured, orderly and clear. When I write like this it is just vomit, simple sketches in the sand, irrelevant abstract art that i slopped up on a wall without rhyme or reason. My grammar is probably atrocious and it makes me itch to think about what I'm not correcting. A twelve minute 100 yard dash to the finish-I'm not allowed to look back, I just have to keep my legs churning. I was always more of an endurance runner anyway. The aphorism "slow and steady wins the race" doesn't always apply, but it certainly has a point when it comes to my writing style. In any case, I am trying to make this piece as simple and straightforward as possible, attempting to avoid the ramblings that are all too common when I am ordered to embark on a freewriting session. Perhaps this sounds too hostile. I understand and recognize that for many people freewriting is a useful idea to push ideas out of the head and onto the page, but perhaps it is just too messy for my taste. It turns out I can write a substantial amount in a twelve minute time frame, but what I am writing is probably tasteless and bland and poisonous to consume, like chalk. I've never personally consumed chalk but I can imagine how it tastes. At this point I am floundering, drowning in a sea of my own conscious. Though it is not really my conscious, but rather my self-consciousness that makes this article such a tough endeavor for me to pursue.